The Calm Before the Storm Called December

There are 2 days left in November, which means there are 2 days left of relaxing and being lazy; all hell is about to break loose when that calender flips to that next page. I just took a peak at what I have in store for just the first week of December... oh my goodness. Meetings and hair appointments- all the preparations for preparations. ACK!
   Most people have a bunch of birthdays in one month somewhere during the year. Well, ours happens to be December. Both my sons, my stepson, my sister in law, cousins, friends... yikes... then you have to add in our anniversary (yeah, who does something as silly as get married a week before Christmas? My husband and I, of course!) Throw that all together with Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Years, and you have yourself a month long party! It is a lot of fun, but expensive and a bit overwhelming... it takes the rest of the year to recover!
  I'm prepared this year. I have already finished my Christmas shopping, have all the presents wrapped and placed lovingly under the tree that is already decorated. All we have left to do is bake cookies, do birthday shopping, and travel across the country to get to Grandma's house. Over the river and through the woods would be a much quicker trip, but unfortunately Colorado is a lifetime away from home.

     Once we get to good ole Colorado the appointment book will fill up quickly. We have a couple weeks to cram a lifetime of people into. Dinner here, breakfast there, arcade time, and hockey games, Christmas light scavenger hunts, church, family, family, family.
  Oh the adventure! So much for shorts and flip-flops on Christmas... more like running shoes and parkas. Ready... set.... GO!

Eating Healthy on a Budget

I know it sounds insane, right!?! I have so many people telling me that it is near impossible to eat healthy on a shoestring budget. That's true, but it's hard to eat at all on a shoestring budget, so why not save yourself some medical costs and use that money wisely!?!  We've lived on a tight budget and have still eaten healthy. I am in no way a doctor, or a health adviser... this works for me and my family, and I hope that it will give you ideas on how to eat in a more healthful way and still stay within your budget.

FIRST OF ALL!! Make a weekly menu. I do this by looking over the internet, and yes, Pinterest. There are a lot of fabulous recipes, in fact my new favorite noodle/salad/veggie sauce is a Pinterest jackpot find. (I will be sure to add a link to the walnut-sage pesto at the bottom of the page) Now, back to what I was talking about... a menu. It is your most valuable tool in living on a budget. By using this, you set yourself up for success at the grocery store and at home! (then you aren't running around at 5:30 trying to figure out how to thaw chicken breast to make fajitas- only to remember that you forgot to pick up green peppers) You can be a kitchen superstar.

To make the menu I write out all the days of the week that I need to be shopping for- then I go to the cookbooks and the internet. I start filling in the dinners, and simultaneously write down the ingredients that I know I do not have on hand on a grocery list (then I don't forget anything). After I complete the dinner portion of the list, I add in other needs for breakfasts and lunch. Those are real easy around here; we mostly have oatmeal with fruit for breakfast, and leftovers or a salad for lunch.

The next step is going to the grocery store... this is the tricky part; you have to make sure to stay on task and not stray from your list. The grocery store is full of temptation  but you can do it! Stick to your list! My best piece of advice is, if you can cut costs by buying in raw form do it. (like beans- you can buy and entire bag of black beans for about 2.00, where you can get a can of black beans for 1.50, but it's only about 1/8 of what that bag is going to yield. (I cook an entire bag at a time and put it in the freezer to use as needed)

Here is a list of cost cutting foods:

Lentils- they cook up fast and can be used in all kinds of dishes. (our favorite is tacos)
Black beans- great in burritos, and salads
Brown rice- Bleh. Not a fan, but we don't use white rice so it's used in place of white rice.
Tofu- It's half the price of meat and can be just as fun. It's taken me sometime, but I am actually starting to like it.
Garbanzo beans- The main ingredient in hummus. Once you make your own hummus, you won't ever want to buy it.
Frozen fruits and veggies- Sometimes the best option. The products are flash frozen, so they retain more of the nutritional value than many fresh options.
Meat in bulk- Often there is a price break for buying the bigger packages. Sure, you have to break it down into smaller packaging, but it is definitely a money saver.
In-season produce- You will know which these are by the cost; the store usually has them on sale. I try to only buy "in season" fruits and veggies; they are usually more local than let's say a banana. (unless you live where there are banana trees).

One other bit of advice is to stay to the outside perimeter (and the bean isle) of the store to keep yourself away from temptation.

After your shopping adventure (that probably left you feeling confident and proud of yourself for not going crazy in the ice cream or cereal isle- those used to be my two main downfalls) it is time to prep this bounty of food. If you purchased meat in bulk, take care of that first. You can quick soak the beans at the same time. You can even go so far as to cut up all your veggies and fruits for quick access. Now at this stage you are well on your way to eating healthy on a budget!!

Sometimes you will falter, don't give up! It takes dedication and persistence (just like anything else that is worthwhile) in the end it will pay off... monetarily, physically and mentally! Enjoy!

(and as promised, here is the link to the recipe for the fabulous pesto)
http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/recipe/pasta/linguine-with-walnut-sage-pesto/

My Take on Diets and Excercise

I started weightlifting about 3.5 months ago now. Jamie Eason became my inspiration, and mentor (via her program on the bodybuilding.com site). I've been at the gym almost every morning trying to achieve the body, as Jamie puts it: "I have always dreamed of". I have made a lot of progress, but  I'm not where I want to be. Time is the ultimate answer, along with diet and exercise. 80% of a person's health regimen is dependent on their diet. That old saying: "You can't out train a bad diet" is always running through my head. The diet part is the hardest aspect for me.

I followed the eating plan that Jamie uses in her LiveFit program, but I couldn't see how approximately 200 grams of protein was going to benefit me. I did it for about 6 weeks, but according to my doctor, my  kidneys would be overworked, and my body more than likely end up flushing more than half of it anyway, so I stopped... not to mention it made me bloated and gave me the worst gas EVER! (yeah, I know I am a female, and shouldn't disclose this sort of info- pfft, someone needs to be honest). Also I must disclose that I have a serious distaste for meat and eggs to begin with (Every now and then I like a burger or a chicken breast, but only like once or twice a month), so you can only imagine how happy I was to ditch the massive amounts of flesh.

I have researched and read so many things about different eating plans (or diets, as it were). I can't believe how many are out there right now! Paleo, dairy free, gluten free, fruitarian, 80/10/10, clean eating, vegan, high fat raw vegan, lacto-ovo, and finally, there's the normal everyday American diet of over-processed  sugar laden, fast food.

I have a dear friend that is doing the 80/10/10 and she is thriving on it. She is so happy that she is the lightest she's been in 10 years and says she feels great. I have seriously thought about doing it, but from the scientific side of it, it's not going to be a good thing for me in the long run. Keeping sugar levels that high all the time while not having any real fats... sounds like a recipe for disaster. Talk about insulin resistance and premature aging  I'm almost 35, I need to be careful of what I'm doing to my "starting to get smile lines" skin.

 I went vegan for awhile, but felt tired and out of touch with myself. The longer I did it, the more I realized that the mentality of vegan is good for the most part, but it seems that it's almost a cult following. Like people are so longing to be a part of something that they let this "lifestyle" take over. They become obsessed with animal rights and "being vegan" heck, some of them even go so far as to get "vegan" tattooed on them. (In my eyes that's just a little strange). More power to them though, but it wasn't the answer for me.

Those other diets are all great, but I can't see myself sticking to anything. I just eat what I want, but in moderation. I want a burger? I eat a burger. A salad? I eat one of those! I don't think that a person should cut anything out of their life completely... it's all about learning self control. I don't drink soda, and I rarely eat candy, but I don't tell myself that I can't have it. It's just something I save for special occasions (or that time of the month- which usually is a "special" occasion). Sure, my goals may take a little longer to reach than if I were to follow "the perfect" bodybuilding diet, but I am happy excited to go to the gym everyday... and that's all that matters.

More Random Thoughts

 How can I teach my children to be productive humans if I'm not one myself? (OH!?! You thought that I was? Well, that's what you get for looking in through the foggy window; you see my life in pictures- like us normal people see a movie star- you only see what I want you to see.) What am I showing them? That it's okay to live in self loathing, and that constantly pushing yourself to be perfect is the norm? I don't want them to be shallow and boring, or afraid to stand up for what they believe in. I want to raise boys who turn into men that women are proud to have as husbands. Men that pray, men aware of who they are, and truly love themselves. But in order to do that- I have to start with me. I do pray, but those other 2 things, HA HA they are my works in progress.


 Who am I? A wife who is irrevocably in love with my husband, a mother that will stop at nothing to protect my children, a child of God (that is almost too big for me to wrap my mind around at times), a woman that lives passionately and yet lives in fear of judgement, who puts every ounce of effort I have into all I do, who subconsciously competes with myself in everything I do. When I start something I finish it, when I want something I get it, I strive to reach my goals. I walk around with my head in the clouds, and that's where my problem resides; I lost all my dreams... I've been too wrapped up in making everyone else happy, and putting them first made it hard to keep track of my own desires. Until now, I've lived my life standing on this tiny shelf- afraid that if I step too far one way, I may fall off and  lose my spot. I now understand that I do not need a certain spot; I can fit anywhere. I can be who I am, who I want to be... I can embrace my individuality; I am a rare bird,  an oddly shaped puzzle piece.  

 Who gives a rat's ass what others think of me (yeah, that's right, I swear- like a sailor most of the time).

  I am walking away from the mis-information and bullshit that I was force fed as a child. (The constant drilling of pleasing others for affirmation of being a good person, and the restrictions on what I could say just to keep from hurting other's feelings is wrong when it impedes my own.) Fuck feminism and being politically correct. The church can take organized religion with their rabid dogma and shove it where the sun don't shine- I'm tired of being afraid and living in fear of being judged. I'm ready to live, and to live life to the fullest while being true to who I am, so I can show my kids how it's done.







Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.
Lao Tzu

Take a Moment

Many of us may try to get through the day without remembering the pain we all felt 18 years ago. Instead of trying to forget, try to remember how life was before that fateful day. Remember the invincibility we felt as a country, the blind eye we turned to other countries... until that day. Visualize where you were when it all went that second plane hit. I'm sure you can be exact. I can remember the way the air smelled, the clothes I was wearing, even the thoughts that were racing through my mind. Now try to remember where you were the day before... I can't, can you? I've read that traumatic events can have that effect.

No matter what your thoughts on the situation; the hows and the whys, it was a day that changed the United States- a day that marked the demise of our carefree spirit.

 Take a moment to remember the people who lost their lives on this day. Including  the 100's of people who leaped to their deaths. They knew there was no help for them. I have so much respect for those people- way to take control of destiny. I myself can't say what I would have done, probably cried like a little baby and prayed like a saint. 

Pray for the families that are still dealing with the loss of loved ones, and pray for all Americans who lost a piece of themselves that day.

If you have time thank a public servant today; without them, there are certain situations that we could not handle alone. They risk their lives and give all for those they don't even know. They stand in harm's way to get you out of it.

And finally, take a moment today to cry if you need to; this tragedy affected us all.

(*All photos were taken at the traveling 9/11 exhibit at the WWII Museum in New Orleans, LA. )

Updates of Craziness

Whew! Another month is almost ready to come to an end- thank goodness; it's been a tough one. I feel that this was a month of holding on while letting go- finding out what I am really made of. As I stated in my previous posts, I started an Etsy venture making pillows and hemp jewelry, as of my last update I hadn't sold anything and couldn't really care less about it. Well, all that has changed. I have an order! It's not just an order, but an order that is of massive proportions! 23 custom pillows! It all started about 2 weeks ago with a simple email  which blossomed into something bigger than I had imagined. It felt like I was living in a dream! Heh- I still feel like I'm in a dream- and sure I will feel that way until the order is completed... waiting for my fabric order to come in the mail is driving me mad! I had prayed for a miracle, and boy did I ever receive one!

FLVS is working out fabulously for my son's schooling. It only takes us about 5 hours to complete an entire day's worth the schoolwork, and he doesn't have to sit on a bus wasting most of his afternoon. We are spending a lot of time together and I am really enjoying working with him- I am honored to be the one who teaches him the skills he needs to succeed. No, it's not an ego trip- it's such an inspiration to see the look on a child's face when they learn something new for the first time. The way the eyes light up- you can almost see the light bulb turn on above their head. He is still gets frustrated with the work, but it is easier to avoid a meltdown now. I know his learning style and can change things around to make it easier for him. We still have our issues and are trying to settle into a nice groove, but just like everything else, it will take time. I'm sure that we will become a well-oiled machine in not time at all.

My husband and I spent the last two weeks apart. No, not due to a disagreement (I don't think we even have anything that we could be so mad about that it would take that long to get over). He had a class up in TN for a special license that the FAA requires a GIANT test for. It's comprised of a written, oral, and practical exam... this really takes a full two weeks to complete. Well, I am happy to announce that he passed and is now A&P certified. How awesome is that!?! Yeah, I thought so too. I'm so proud of him!!

Hurricane Isaac was slated to hit Walton County earlier this week (which is where we live), we were evacuated on Monday. Well thankfully, it shifted to the west and we were completely missed. We are now today experiencing rain, and have had 9 tornado warnings in the past 12 hours, but at least we aren't flooded and our house is still standing. When the evacuation was put into place we drove all the way up to Birmingham, Alabama to a hotel that I won't mention; it was the worst place ever! It smelled of mildew, was dirty (our little dog found a prescription pill on the floor) and they charged 35.00 a night per dog for pet fees! It would have been cheaper to leave our dogs at a kennel! They screwed up our bill and overcharged us. At least it was a safe place that we could stay while our home was in danger. It was a fun adventure... I guess. The 5 hours each way provided lots of fabulous scenery and even a wonderful sunrise on our way up. The amount of old run-down buildings on 331 is unbelievable. I would love to take a week to explore them. Yeah, just camping along the side in the woods. WHAT!?! you say there's wild pigs in those woods? Heh- never-mind  I'll take an afternoon to shop antique stores instead.

Well, there you have it. The craziness that is my life. It's mine though and I wouldn't change it for anything.

Psalm 125:1 Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever.

One Thing Leads To Another

I always try to think of a title for my post before I write it, but I find that limits what I can write about. I am feeling pulled apart at the moment and have so many things on my mind. Where to start?

STARTING adventures-

Is something my son is really good at. Though this is one  is will be like no other he has experienced. Well, I should say we are going to be following our own yellow brick road. We are blazing the virtual school trail. (http://www.connectionsacademy.com/)We received our materials from the UPS guy last night, and got everything organized and put away today. (thanks to the Haven House Thrift store for having a beautiful cabinet- in our price range- to house all the books and supplies in an organized fashion). I read through the lessons for the first day, and I think I am more nervous than my son is. I am afraid that I am going to fail him, or not teach him the things that he needs to succeed. Thank goodness for that virtual teacher that will be sure that we stay on track. And thank goodness for a friend and her daughter that are also blazing their own virtual school trail- we can be there for each-other and that makes me feel so much better. Here's to a smooth school year bereft of bullies, teachers that don't have time, and nasty school lunches... 

NASTINESS makes me think-

 The world of medicine is sick in need of a check up and some bed rest. Big pharma has doctors so wrapped around their fingers that they are poisoning people, and they try to justify it with the benefits outweighing the harm. For instance, let's look at Coumadin. It's a blood thinner that millions of people are on to treat anything from: "Myocardial Reinfarction Prevention, Blood Clot in Lung, Treatment to Prevent a Blood Clot in the Lung, Prevention for a Blood Clot going to the Brain, Obstruction of a Blood Vessel by a Blood Clot, Prevent Blood Clot with Fast Irregular Heart Rate, Blood Clot, Blood Clot in a Deep Vein, Deep Vein Thrombosis Prevention, Blood Clots in Deep Veins and in Blood Vessel of the Lung, Blood Clot caused by Artificial Heart Valve." (http://www.webmd.com/drugs/drug-4069-Coumadin+Oral.aspx?drugid=4069&drugname=Coumadin+Oral&pagenumber=4) But did you know that it it is also rat poison? (http://www.setma.com/pdfFiles/The%20Story%20of%20Coumadin.pdf)
The side effect list is longer than the list of ailments that it treats!! "Severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue); back, side, muscle, joint, or stomach pain; black, tarry, or bloody stools; blood in the urine (pink or brown urine); bloody or coffee ground-like vomit; chest pain; decreased urination; dizziness; fainting; fever; numbness or tingling; pain, unusual color, or temperature change in any area of the body; pale skin; purple, dark, or painful toes; shortness of breath; skin sores or ulcers; stroke symptoms (eg, confusion, slurred speech, vision problems, one-sided weakness); sudden, severe pain in your legs, feet, or toes; trouble swallowing; unexplained swelling; unusual bruising or bleeding (eg, nosebleed, unusual bleeding from gums, increased bleeding from cuts, increased menstrual or vaginal bleeding, coughing up blood, bleeding at the injection site); unusual headache or weakness; unusual pain, swelling, or discomfort; wounds or sores that do not heal properly; yellowing of the skin or eyes." (http://www.drugs.com/sfx/coumadin-side-effects.html)
What these doctors don't tell you is that you can take Ginkgo to receive the same benefit... or you can take garlic pills, ginger, turmeric, and omega 3's. Why is it that they don't give people this option? When did natural remedies become shunned? Where would modern medicine be if there weren't natural cures? It wouldn't be... all medicines originated as natural substances; even good ole Coumadin was a sweet clover to begin with. ARGH! It's enough to make a person go crazy.

CRAZINESS is the realization that-

I actually opened an Etsy store. http://www.etsy.com/shop/Muttnagerie I haven't sold one thing yet, although I made a set of the letter pillows for a friend of mine (as a birthday gift) and her gratitude was more valuable than any payment I could ever receive (unless someone offered me a million dollars). I enjoy crafting, but I also realize that many people would rather buy mass produced pieces of junk since we live in a world that has learned to use, abuse, and throw away- therefore most people are wanting to spend as little money as possible to acquire their next possession. So my wares are not something that fit into that slot. I put time into my crafts and want to make people aware that I am not going to be taken advantage of- that my things are worth more than something a machine pieces together. I sometimes go to bed with band-aids from the needle wounds that are inflicted due to me sewing by hand. (HA- makes me sound like I can't sew). 

SEWING won't fix-

The Ron Paul book the dogs massacred today. They decimated it, yet left the Star Wars book completely intact- including the dust jacket... what does that say? They don't like politics? Ha! It's probably because the book was more bite sized. Dang dogs anyway. Speaking of dogs-  Our backyard is so flooded that  there are islands of grass. It's funny to watch the dogs leap from one dry spot to the next. I guess we will have to endure another wet day, as the weather guys say that the sun won't return until Sunday.I wish it would stop already. Grrr... Bleh- guess I better get up and go wash laundry so I have some comfy pants to lounge in tomorrow. 

Don't be Sorry- Learn to Breathe

The word Sorry is offensive to me. The definition of the word is this, "Feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.: to be sorry to leave one's friends; to be sorry for a remark; to be sorry forsomeone in trouble."  My mother put so much emphasis on the word that it became worse than any swear word in my world. No matter what happened, I was expected to say sorry (and mean it). How can a child mean something that they don't even know the meaning of!? The word was over used and many times as a bandaid- instead of assessing the situation and trying to confront it, sorry would be spoken and it would be as if nothing ever happened. 


As I've gotten older I've all but banished sorry from my vocabulary- it is reserved for one instance only- death. Instead of saying that blasted word, I offer the advice of, remember to breathe. Those three words of advice are the basis to surviving any catastrophe without discounting the severity of a problem. You may ask how it is possible that those words hold so much power... well- it is just saying to stay alive. As long as you are breathing, the situation can be taken care of.


 I have grown tired of offering apologies for something that I have no control over. Apologies feed the severity and most of the time you get sucked into the drama allowing one to become a victim of that person's distress (I am not speaking of drama in a derogatory fashion). Here's a great example of how it really works. The other day my sister called me to tell me that her boyfriend's mother had a medical emergency; she was quite upset about not being able to get up to see her. My first instinct was to say how sorry I was, but I didn't cause the issue- I am not the one that made it impossible for my sister to travel. So, I instead suggested that she should just stop for a moment and breathe. By doing so, I was able to avoid being sucked into the problem and was able to help her climb out of a mental meltdown. When she stopped to think about the entire situation she was able to see that it wasn't an end of the world scenario and that things would indeed be okay. 

 I am learning to breathe instead of feeling regret; I am learning to live in love and to just let things be.

A Complete Train Wreck of Random Ramblings

We have both recently become unemployed and it is starting to sink in that there isn't going to be a paycheck anymore... unemployment is not an option seeing as we weren't fired. We did this on our own and now I guess we shall have to lay in this figurative bed.

We are like 2 kids who come up with some outlandish idea to go walking along the edge of a cliff on a windy day. We have our feet on solid ground but can see that one wrong move, or a large gust of wind will bring certain disaster, do we care? All the while we are laughing and playing; it's all fun and games until we step too far out of line.

I believe in faith and that the Lord will provide for our needs, but what exactly does that mean? Food, shelter and clothing? I have some pretty decent skills in the kitchen and have survived on gourmet ramen recipes in the past. Housing is covered, and we all have enough clothing to keep us clothed until this all blows over. What about the other things that don't fall into those categories? Is God going to just hae that money fall into our laps?  I've heard stories of amazing things that have happened to my friends, but I just don't believe that anything like those things would ever happen to me. I feel that God is probably laughing at me right now- I am stressing out over such pettiness. He has pulled us through some pretty hairy times before and I'm sure we will make it out of this unscathed as well, but instead of thanking Him for what we do have, I doubt. I get angry and I want to crawl in a hole- there's human nature for ya. We are selfish weak pathetic creatures, but yet God still loves us, and I don't mean love like how a person can love ice cream or french fries. I mean a real deep love. For example, how a dog loves their human. Am I saying that God is a dog? No- I'm saying that many dogs have a deeper understanding of love than we do as humans. They also know how to rely completely on someone without doubting them. Take my dogs for instance. They know that I am going to feed them and provide all their needs. Do they ask? No- it's just something that IS. End of story. I may have just stumbled on my answer here... To be still and know that He is God. Not to ask, not to worry, but to just know.

Seeing the Beauty

 Here is a photo that I captured during an adventure walk (as I like to call it) in DeFuniak Springs, Florida. I'm sure there are people that think this is tacky and would question why someone would waste the time, but a person such as myself can find the beauty and depth of it.

 The same can be said about people. For instance, the man or woman on the street holding the sign asking for help. To the majority, these people are just homeless beings that amount to nothing. To God they are just as important as you or me; he finds the beauty in them.


Romans 12:17-18 " Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Here and Now

I dreamed of fire last night. Not quite sure what it means, but it was beautiful. I could even feel the heat and smell the smoke. There was a woman crying out; no one would help her, I willed myself to where she was, hoisted her gently over my shoulder and carried her to safety. Dreams are so strange; how can I have a completely different life during one part of my day and then close my eyes only to become part of a magical world where anything is possible? That is why I love to sleep. Not because I am depressed, or because I hate my life; I love who I can be and what I can do in my dreams.  I can leave my hang ups and hindrances at the pillow. I save loved ones from peril and send demons back to where they belong. All in all, I feel like a super hero. 


Now, I need to start learning how to do this in my waking hours.


I'm going to hang my hurts and fears with God- he is more than able and will to do so for me and anyone else that chooses to give up their baggage. These issues are not meant to be part of a person... they are the products of not focusing on the Lord. When a person (myself included) take their eyes off of Him- a void forms. We as humans fill that void with earthly desires that are often failed attempts which create the fear and failure.


I John 4:17-18  "In this way love is perfected among us, so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like Him.  There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love". 


In the words of Barney Stinson, "Suit up." 


Ephesians 6:10-18 "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."


It is time. Here and now.

Close Calls

I must have been in a daze because all of the sudden the car in front of me on the highway is at a dead stop but I am still cruising at a steady 55 mph. THINK QUICK! I swerve into the other lane and barely avoid messed up front end and a guaranteed traffic violation. If you can believe it- I still had the sense to use my blinker and strangely enough there wasn't any traffic in the other lane... coincidence? My life is a bunch of close calls all strung together. For example, while in California a couple weeks ago I had a similar situation. While merging onto hwy 78 from Oceanside to Vista I was almost run off the road by a truck pulling a 5th wheel. The only thing that saved me was my quick reflexes- or was it me at all? When these situations happen- time slows- I can't explain it but I have time to actually think about what I need to do. Is it like this for anyone else? Apparently not for everyone, or there wouldn't be traffic accidents, or accidents at all for that matter. 

What I know for sure is that I pray at stop lights.  It's been a strange habit I have had since I started driving. It started out as a way to get over my fear of driving alone. I knew that I could just 'talk' to God and he was with me always. Over time I started driving more and more on  highways without stop lights, so praying became more sporadic. My fears went away and I kind of set God in the trunk so to speak. Just about the time I get comfortable with that arrangement I have a close call. What happens then? Yup, I pray.

I believe that God uses all resources to give us the chance to come to him- he doesn't necessarily make the situations happen, but he allows them. Close calls are a great way to remind us that he is there always- through the good and the bad... makes me think of Carrie Underwood's song, Jesus Take the Wheel. I know he won't physically drive my car, but most certainly I want him to be in the front seat of my life to hold my hand when the road gets rough.

 

What Do I Know?

As I stated yesterday I know that God is at work in my life. I feel as though I am the city that is falling apart in the movie Inception, but I know that somethings must be destroyed in order to create new. A dear friend of mine set a challenge yesterday based on Brennan Manning's book, A Furious Longing of God. I feel the challenge couldn't have come at a better time. One doesn't usually sit and think about these sorts of things and it is harder than one would think; I haven't ever thought of this view before. It is truly amazing the differences that are in the two lists. Who I am and who people see me as are two completely different people.

What I know about me-

What People See:

1. Is friendly to everyone (sometimes can be misconstrued as flirting).
2. Gets uncomfortable when serious discussions arise.
3. I talk way too much.
4. I stumble over my words or often can't think of a word when talking.
5. I open the doors for people.
6. I love thrift stores and do most of my shopping there.
7. A very happy person.
8. Act as though I don't have a care in the world.
9. Constantly experimenting with hair color and fingernail polish techniques.
10. I feel very strongly about animal rights and renewable resources.


What People Don't See

1. I struggle with accepting myself.
2. I spend too much time dwelling on things- past and present.
3. The creativity that I am afraid to share.
4. I struggle with anxiety.
5. I cry at the silliest things- and can't cry when I really should.
6. Change scares me.
7. I sing at the top of my lungs when I'm home alone.
8. I dance to my heart's content when no one can see me.
9. I am truly afraid of judgement
10. I am always seeking approval from others.


2 Peter 3:9 "The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but all shall reach repentance." 

Worry

I awoke to a sudden feel of panic thinking that I needed to be leaving for work in only a few short minutes. I'm sure we've all experienced that situation. On top of that, my dreams were not exactly cotton candy clouds and unicorns; my husband was fired from his job and everything we have worked for was gone in an instant. Now, my husband hasn't been fired from his job (yet) and I am not late for work, as I have just started my own business venture, but the panic and worry are very real.


Something my husband said to me yesterday when we decided that I am going to start up my own business that I didn't quite get he said, "Don't freak out." At first I took offense to what he was saying and tried to say that I don't freak out... anymore, but now that I think about it I am the one that does freak out if one thing is out of place, we are a dollar short in the bank, or if the laundry has a strange crease. All this time I thought I was a creature of change and completely laid back. Wow, hasn't my view of myself  been completely skewed. I always thought that worry had to do with big things like children not coming home when they say they will, or waiting the test results on that lump. Worry has become something that I am all consumed by- even the smallest of thoughts are ruled by worry. I worry if I don't get up on time I won't have time to sit on the computer and check my email or social media site. I worry that if I don't make that traffic light I am going to be running behind. I constantly obsess over the keeping a constant schedule that keeps me busy every second of the day; I worry about what others are going to think of me if I am found sitting on the couch watching worthless television shows. Even up until the minute I fall asleep I am thinking that if I don't get enough sleep I am going to have a terrible next day. I wonder how much time I have wasted worrying. In fact, I can only imagine that it would be an astounding number. I have got to learn how to stop this and learn to just, "Let go, and let God" (yes, my reference from yesterday). 


I found a couple of really great Bible verses that speak volumes to me. 


Matthew 6:25-27  “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

This to me says that I have wasted enough time worrying- it's not going to help me live any better, or any longer, and that life should be lived spiritual more than physical. I may as well enjoy the time I've got and breathe.


Philippians 4:6-7  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Looks like I have some work to do. I can't help shake this feeling that I am doing some serious inner review on myself and God has a front row seat. I am ashamed to admit that my life has to start falling apart for me to turn to him, but it also makes me wonder if it is falling apart so I do turn to him. 

Failure isn't an option

I've been wrestling with the thought of starting my own business now for a couple of years. I haven't done it because I was under the impression that one must first have a ton of cash and that I had to be a college graduate. Well, now doesn't that just make me sound silly! If I had lots of money and was a college graduate I probably wouldn't need to start my own business. All I really need is the confidence. You see, I have this problem. I look to others for approval as a false sense of confidence. This is something I have just recently realized about myself and happens to be something I didn't want to see, but something I need to deal with. For instance, I would clean and organize a closet and beg someone to look at it just so they would say it looked great. So, for me to start my own business means I have to lose that baggage. 


I want to be able to put my kids through college and take trips to see my family. I want to make my own hours, be my own boss, and be responsible for my own actions. I want to be successful and proud of what I do and who I am without the need of approval from anyone else.


Anyway...

I have decided to chase my dreams, so to speak. To take that advice that pastor once gave to "Let go and let God."

There is no such thing as failure.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.