Embrace Your Individuality

All this hatred is just too much.

Nazi this, and Confederate that. "It's more complicated than you think.", and "Get involved because if you stand idly by, you are just as much to blame as them", are just a couple phrases I've had hurdled at me. I just can't get away from it no matter where I turn! Thanks to malevolent nature of Facebook, I have parted ways with it once again. Though this time is a bit different- I even went so far as to request that my business page be deleted, and took the time to download the photos I hold dear. So long Facebook, your hatred, direct injections of peoples' opinions, and dis-contempt are not going to be missed; I'm serious about not going back. It's time I get back to the personal touch, to bring one on one interaction back from the brink of extinction- I mean talking on the phone, sending cards, being human, not digital.

I am not a Nazi, I am not part of the Antifa. I want nothing to do with either; both of these groups are fueled by hate. I WILL sit on the fence and watch it unfold. Why? Because I am a bystander, I can see both sides perfectly fine from right here. I'm not a world changer and that is okay because it is not a crime, and I will not be led to believe otherwise. I am an American and I may have more privileges than others but it has nothing to do with the color of my skin. My privilege comes from my hard work, my ability to adapt, and my open mind. I am neither naive nor ignorant, I do read about what is going on, and I do realize that I will face opposition in my beliefs. That's okay! We are human, and in that we are individuals. I do not have to have the same view as you, or you as me! That's what makes it all so beautiful! Embrace your individuality.

15 years later

15 years later, I am still in question of what happened. I'm still angry with someone, but I don't know who. Who am I supposed to be angry with? The government tells me it was some terrorists from another country, but I don't know. I have watched and read so many different things, that is has all melted together in a dream/reality sludge of truth vs. lies.

15 years later my heart still aches, and my breath gets caught somewhere in the void between my head and my heart. Images still fresh in my mind as though it happened just this morning. The dust covered people scrambling with sheer terror upon their faces. The helplessness, the fear, the unknowing.

15 years later I still cry. I wasn't even there, but it affected me too. Our country, the one that was invincible became mortal that day. The people who lost their lives, the firemen, policemen, rescue workers who worked tirelessly and died for others. The ones who waited for loved one who would never return.

15 years later I still remember. I remember the feelings, the smell of the air, the clothes I was wearing, the look on my grandfather's face as he told me what was happening. I remember his words: "We weren't ever safe, we were only given a false sense of safety." I remember thinking that it was all over.

15 years later I still wonder. I still cry. I still hurt. I still remember.

Remember. Always.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa!!

Yesterday my grandfather turned 91. As I sit here and ponder his life, I can't even fathom what he's seen; he was born in 1923...  I've always been fascinated with his stories of his life on the farm with 10 siblings. Life in during The Great Depression, before WWII, television, and when a man's word was his bond. I can't even imagine life without the complexities of technology.

Wonder how he's lived so long? I have too. Maybe it's because he didn't smoke or drink alcohol.  I was curious about this earlier in my life, so I asked him about it. His response was simple and so easy to understand. He said he just never had the desire or need to. After he gave me that clear-cut answer he followed it with a short story. A story that I hold dear- one I would like to share in honor of his day.

As I stated before, my grandfather grew up on a farm in Nebraska. There were 11 children and not a lot of money, in fact, the entire area was depressed... this was during The Great Depression. My grandpa would watch one of his friends steal cigarette butts from the old men smoking out front of the general store and it piqued my grandfather's interest. He decided he would like to try a cigarette because that's what men did, but he was not about to steal. He found a dime one Saturday and snuck off to the general store to by tobacco and rolling papers (which only cost a nickel- amazing) He hid his treasures in his pants and went home. The next day he and that boy (that was stealing butts) snuck off on the way to church and hid on the back side of a hill. The boy rolled them both a cigarette (because my grandfather had no idea what he was doing) they lit their cigarettes and my grandpa said he took one drag and thought surely he was going to die, but he took one more drag just to be sure. He was immediately sick; he decided right then and there he would not ever smoke again... and he hasn't. He gave the remainder of the tobacco and the rolling papers to that boy (who I'm sure was very grateful that he would not have to be smoking butts for a while).

I think his secret to longevity all comes down to happiness. He has always been positive about life. No matter how hard things have gotten for him (and believe me, there were many rough spots) he has kept his head up and just kept going. Unfortunately he lost his wife (my grandmother) of 67 years, earlier this year and I honestly believe his happiness went with her, but he is still taking one day at time- trying to hold it together for us. He doesn't want to celebrate his birthday because he doesn't want to be a bother, and really just doesn't want to be here anymore. He's ready to move on and it breaks my heart, but I hope he gets his wish... it is after all his birthday.

Today we celebrate him and his life, his hardships, and his joys.

Happy Birthday, Grandpa!!

Life After FaceBook!?!

I do believe so.  At least right now I feel that way; the sense of accomplishment to quit something so addicting is still with me. It's a habit far worse than smoking in my world (and believe me, smoking was a tough habit to kick; I had to do it... 4 times). Addicted to the drama and the happenings that have nothing to do with me personally kept my emotions on a constant roller coaster. It deeply saddens me that I would often times wake in the night and wonder what was going on in the world of FB. Disgusting really. What is the pull to be a party to something that does not promote a positive atmosphere? human nature? The human condition of wanting to be a part of something? Life after Facebook is going to be an exciting adventure. I want to be part of something, but not in a virtual world. I want to connect with others on a personal level and not have to worry that a post or what I type is going to offend someone, I want more time to spend with my family to make REAL memories... not ones clouded by what others are doing, or may want to see on FB.
I've never been one to 'keep up with the Jones's' but FB creates a virtual world where we only see the things that people want us to see- a glamorous perception of sorts. I want to live a genuine life- one that include good and bad moments; I refuse to be confined to a half-truth life- I like dirt, and no make-up days; I am not afraid to show it.

Goodbye cruel FaceBook- life is about to get real.

Therapeutic Ramblings

Why does it have to be dark when I get up in the morning!?! I don't remember a time when it was dark until 7am. Weird. Maybe it's part of getting older (forgotten that it's darker in the winter), or maybe the sun is getting older too, and may need to sleep in during the colder months? Either way, it pisses me off. When I wake in the morning, I want to be greeted by the light of the Sun. No wonder there are so many unhappy people during the winter. No one wants to start their day in the dark.

My dogs... ugh. I love all three of them, but come on!! You would think it was my puppy having potty issues, but it isn't- it's my 3 year old 80lb hound mix (Nala). She has been known to have bladder issues, and even uses Proin from time to time... I get it, but why must she only be leaky when she's in my bed!?! Nothing like waking up to a peed bed... if anyone is peeing my bed, it should be me!! (not that I pee the bed anymore- haven't had that issue in about... 30 years).

Then there is the puppy (Holly) She is a 4 month old Maltese. My house is made up of three flights of stairs, so to get to anything important, you must climb or descend at least one flight (but more accurately it's usually 2 flights). Holly can go up the stairs effortlessly, but she runs into a problem when she tries to come back down. It's almost as if she is being forced to jump out of an airplane without a 'chute. She cries and whines like she's being killed. I know that's a scary thing for a 6 pound little ball of fluff, but come on!!!

Lastly, there's Barney (our Yorkie) he is the most jealous, insecure dog I've ever encountered. If he feels that one of the other dogs is getting more attention than him, he will wiggle his way in-between whatever is taking his attention and myself. He's really a sweet guy, but has issues. He can't allow himself to be more than 10 feet from a human at any given time. Thank goodness he's a dog, and not a man... can you imagine!?!

They're like normal family members, and I wouldn't trade them for anything. We all have challenges in life... and apparently, I crave chaos.

Take a Closer Look

I wrote this for a school assignment about 3 years ago. I went back and reread it only to find that everything in this paper is still an issue. How can we resolve the tyranny of Walmart? By simply not shopping there- that's how.

Take a Closer Look

From the outside, Wal-Mart seems like a wonderful place, there are letters on the walls from teachers, thanking that particular Wal-Mart for donating a certain item to the teacher’s classroom, there are aisles of advertised savings, and friendly associates greeting people as they enter the front door. Unfortunately, when a closer look is taken at the dark side Wal-Mart has swept under the rug, what can be revealed is that this big-box store is not a gentle giant, but truly a malicious monster. That yellow smiley face, meant to represent great times shopping and saving money, becomes a constant reminder that not everything about Wal-Mart contains happiness. Wal-Mart is detrimental to America because of the unfair treatment towards workers, the negligence of the environment, and the blatant disrespect for America’s economy.

Employees are entitled to a certain amount of rights. These rights include: breaks, being paid for all time worked, and a chance to climb the ladder of growth within the company. Unfortunately, Wal-Mart has been unfair and has frequently denied these rights to their employees. According to the documentary, “WAL-MART: The High Cost of Low Prices” There have been many instances where employees were forced to work through their breaks and lunches; employees have even been forced to work past their scheduled shift without pay for the overtime. These instances have sparked many lawsuits through the past decade, resulting in Wal-Mart having to pay at least 50 million dollars, per suit. Though spokes-people for Wal-Mart claimed they did nothing wrong in these cases. Another example of the unfair treatment was spoken of in the same documentary, when female employees explained how obtaining promotion to a manager level and beyond was not possible if the employee was of female gender (Greenwald 1). Employees deserve to be given these simple rights, and be paid according to the time they work.

Another unfair business practice Wal-Mart has been guilty of pertains to the lack of eligibility for health care benefits. According to the Burt Flickinger, who happens to be employed by Strategic Marketing, a consulting firm; it has been estimated that Wal-Mart spends seventy percent less on all benefits, which includes health care, per employee (D’Innocenzio, Kabel 1). For example, Wal-Mart employees are often hired on a part time status to keep the company from having to offer any benefits. With a part time position, an employee would be considered well beneath the poverty level, and would indeed qualify for medical and other government assistance. For instance Stephen Dalton said, “…US employees on minimum wages are denied healthcare benefits and forced to apply for welfare handouts.” (Dalton 1). This business practice alone keeps Wal-Mart’s already fat pocketbook even fatter. The taxpayer is the one who ends up footing the bill for the employee medical benefits; taxpayer dollars fund the welfare system. Wal-Mart is the biggest chain store in America, with the amount of profit they bring in, they should at least take care of the people who keep the business running smoothly for them.

 Wal-Mart has also been found guilty of negligence towards the environment. Wal-Mart has polluted parts of America with their improper placement of fertilizer bags outside their stores. These bags are being placed too close to drainage systems that run into storm drains that connect with streams and rivers which are used for drinking water (Greenwald 1).  Another example of the destruction to the environment that Wal-Mart has produced was in 2004, when according to the Justice Department officials, Wal-Mart paid 3.1 million  “…to settle Environmental Protection Agency and Justice Department charges that it had violated the Clean Water Act by allowing excessive storm-water runoff from 24 of its construction sites.” (“Environment” 1). With the amount of  Wal-Mart stores being built around the United States, they are certainly are capable of causing large amounts of damage to the environment surrounding them.      

There are approximately four thousand Wal-Mart stores in the United States. Each one of these stores consumes mass amounts of electricity water and natural gas. These resources cause greenhouse emissions that are breaking down the atmosphere. Evidently claims have been made that Wal-Mart is planning to cut their greenhouse emissions by 20 million metric tons by the year 2015, according to the New World Digest (“Global Environment” 1). However, Wal-Mart’s track record proves that even though a statement has been made the promise may never be fulfilled.

Not only is Wal-Mart ruining the environment, but they are also breaking down America’s economy.  Sam Walton opened the first Wal-Mart store in 1962, to bring savings and American products to the American people all under one roof. After his death, the company slowly started bringing more and more products made over-seas into the stores. In fact now, most of the products sold at Wal-Mart are from China, Honduras and India. Outsourcing is one of the leading causes of America’s ailing economy. According to the Los Angeles times, Wal-Mart is planning to increase their workforce up to 3 million workers over the next five years.  Susan Chambers who is the executive vice president for human resources with Wal-Mart implied that, “New employees will be hired mostly outside the U.S.” (“Business Briefing” 1). This statement shows that Wal-Mart only cares about the money they can save, and not what they are doing to America.       

            Wal-Mart is a business; therefore they should have to pay taxes.  With a net worth such as this company has, one would think that in any city that has a Wal-Mart, there would be new streets, lush green parks, and that music and art would still be a large part of the school curriculum, from their tax contribution alone.  What a misconception. According to the Wall Street Journal, Jesse Drucker states that Wal-Mart has found a way to side step having to pay their taxes. Wal-Mart does this by setting up real estate investment trusts, which own the land that the actual Wal-Mart building is built on. The Wal-Mart building then pays the rent to the investment trust and the rent becomes a tax right off. Therefore, the money that is being paid becomes tax free, thanks to an old tax loophole (1).  This data proves that not only does Wal-Mart avoid paying into the economy, but by not paying taxes, they are taking away from the communities in which they reside.

The time is now for all of America to take a closer look. Wal-Mart is taking away from America in every possible way. They are taking advantage of, and mistreating their employees. They are poisoning the environment with their careless practices. Lastly, they do not care what they are doing to the country’s economy. The effect Wal-Mart is having on America is more of a hurt than a help. Sure, money may be saved, but at what cost? 

Works Cited

"BUSINESS BRIEFING / RETAIL; Wal-Mart to hire, mostly overseas.” Los Angeles Times.

  1 Oct. 2010, Los Angeles Times, ProQuest. Web. 23 Oct. 2010.

D'Innocenzio, Anne and Kabel, Marcus.  "Critics question Wal-Mart's initiatives. " Deseret

News. 29  Oct. 2005, ProQuest Newsstand, ProQuest. Web.  21 Oct. 2010.

Dalton, Stephen.  "Unhappy shopper: [Final 1 Edition].” The Times 4 May 2006, ProQuest

            Newsstand, ProQuest. Web.  21 Oct. 2010.

Drucker, Jesse. “Wal-Mart Cuts Taxes by paying rent to itself.” Wall Street Journal. 1 Feb.

2007. Web.25 Oct. 2010.

"Environment: Wal-Mart Settles Water Issue." Facts On File World News Digest: n. pag.World  

            News Digest. Facts On File News Services, 1 July 2004. Web. 23 Oct. 2010.

"Global Environment: U.N. Climate Treaty Talks Resume; Other Developments." Facts On File

World News Digest: n. pag. World News Digest. Facts On File News Services, 22 July 2010. Web.23 Oct. 2010.

Walmart: The High Cost of Low Prices. By Robert Greenwald. Dir. Robert Greenwald. Brave

            New Films, 2005. DVD.

Moving Forward

It's been an age since I have written and so many things have come and gone. Birthdays, foster dogs, the end of one and beginning of a new year that slipped through without much more than a turning of a page.

We're moving to Colorado in a little less than a week- four days to be exact.  After 4 years of living in the warmth of California and Florida, we finally get to go home to four seasons! That in itself is a big exciting adventure, but add in my little stint of sleeplessness (well, not really, but I've been getting about 4-5 hours a night) due to a vitamin deficiency. (who knew vitamin B6 could have such an effect on a body- Yikes!  Thanks to my dear friend Dori, I do now)- whew, it's a lot to deal with. We also sent my son out ahead of us to stay with his dad, so he could get settled into school before summer to make friends. My husband travels for work and is on a monthly rotation that brought him home 2 days before my son left, so I gained one, and lost one. I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down and plopped right on top of my head. 

So, this move. It was pretty sudden- we finalized all of this on the 6th of this month. We had a contract on a house here in Florida, but for some reason were unable to secure the funding, yet they strung us along telling us that they were going to see if they could go ahead and get the financing another way. Finally my husband and I had had enough, and told them that we couldn't wait any longer due to our lease ending within six weeks. We had to find a place quick! (we hate this house- the property management company is terrible and never fixes anything, so we didn't want to be stuck here another year). We had talked about moving to Colorado a few months prior, but nothing really came out of that. This time we got a little more serious and decided that it would be best for the boys and us as a family unit. As I stated before, my husband travels for work, so I am left alone for a month at a time- in Florida I don't have any friends- the ones I did have moved away. You see, we live in a tourist area where people come to play, not to live, and the ones that do live here have a million dollars in their pockets... they don't want friends like me (an American girl who likes to garden- not prance around in LouBoutin's). Colorado will give me a good circle of friends and family to spend time with. It will also allow my boys to have both parents close. The move will also be good for my husband as his family is there as well- and he likes the changing seasons. My oldest is 16 and I've missed out on most of his sophomore year- I don't want to miss any more. My youngest is 11 and needs the firm hand of his father, so it all just made sense to do this. We kept shying away from the idea because it's an expensive move, we truly love the beach, and we have a few family members that suck (for lack of a better term). But in this situation all the good things outweigh the bad. We've found ways around the obstacles we were facing and are truly happy about the decision. 

Now onto this vitamin B6 issue. Ugh, I am ashamed to admit that I suffer from occasional sleep disturbances. Mostly when I have something stressful happening in my life (like most other people). This time it has been strange. I feel tired and go to bed only to toss and turn, and when I finally fall asleep, I only sleep for about 5 hours total- and I am waking up during this time. I tried taking passionflower thinking I was just stressed out, and I also tried The Power to Sleep PM, without any luck- I would still toss and turn the same as without them and not sleep any longer or deeper when I did drift off- I actually think it would take me longer to fall asleep when I took those vs. nothing at all. Another thing about me- I suffer from GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) so when I have a few nights of not so good sleep, I start worrying that there is something wrong with me, and I make the actual situation worse. I start being afraid of going to bed at night, for fear that I might not sleep... then during the day I dwell on how much sleep I got- constantly adding up the numbers in my head- what time did I go to bed, when did I fall asleep? What times did I wake up and how long was I awake each time... yeah, it's really ridiculous. These actions then make me feel depressed, like there is something REALLY TRULY wrong with me. I finally reached out to a trusted friend who does holistic health type stuff. I told her what was going on with me and she asked me a series of questions... she came up with a viatmin B6 deficiency. Strange? Yes, but it makes complete sense. Here, I'll lay it all out for you. Vitamin B6 plays a huge roll in sleep- 
'Vitamin B6, or pyridoxine, is an essential nutrient that plays a crucial role in the production of serotonin. A profound malfunctioning of the central nervous system, neurologic disorders, muscle weakness and insomnia can result from a deficiency of this crucial nutrient. The effect of Vitamin B6 deficiency on sleep is similar to the effect of serotonin depletion, in terms of decreased deep body temperature, altered REM patterns and shortening of the periods of deep sleep." (Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2083921)
When she told me this I read about it and looked more into the actual vitamin and found some other interesting information. I had been diagnosed with seborrheic dermatitis about a week earlier, and that is also a  symptom of deficiency  I was excited to hear that I could easily fix (hopefully) this issue and was looking forward to trying it out. Well, that night (night before last) I popped my vitamins and went to bed (along with 1/4 of a unisom natural) and I was up for SO long... don't ever take vitamins before bed. LoL! I wanted to run a marathon at midnight. Needless to say I didn't sleep very well. I got over to the Vitamin Shoppe yesterday and got some B6- took 25mg in the afternoon. I felt great and it didn't cause me any strange feelings. Around 9pm, I went to bed and feel asleep shortly thereafter. I woke a few times and again around 2 when my husband crawled into bed (which I had a hard time falling asleep again) but I finally did and I slept until 6:40 am (with some wake ups in there). I feel tired this morning, but I slept longer than I have been, so it's a start!

Crossing my fingers and praying that our move goes smoothly and that everything settles down soon. I guess I will try to get on here and do this more now, since I will (hopefully) have more interesting things to type about. :)
Philippians 4:12-13 ‘I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.’